8 years ago, my father was diagnosed with a degenerative brain disorder.

It was a rough 20 minutes.

And then, like every other day in the Pollio household, we went back to yelling at each other about the potential success of UofL basketball or the upcoming election.

With Parkinson's, there is no cure.  No fixing.  No getting better.  So we did what Pollios do, we kept moving forward.

Fast forward eight years and my dad was "un" diagnosed.  Yes, after eight years of medication, eight years of doctors visits, eight years of waiting for the symptoms to get worse, he was told that he was misdiagnosed and does not have Parkinson's.

I asked myself, "What if this had been someone else?"  "What if this had been a person that had plunged into the pool of depression or started worrying about every little ache and pain as if it was a sign of something to come?"  But it was not that person.  It was Mike Pollio.  It was a person that moved forward and never felt sorry for himself....a person that continued to live as if no diagnosis was made at all.

And after the news of a misdiagnosis?  Much of the same.  No anger towards the first doctor.  No move to get refunded for the thousands and thousands of dollars spent on medication.

Growing up, when bad things happened, there was a time to be sad.  There was time for hugs and for consolation.  But that time was about 10 minutes.  Then, we all got to work saying, "How are we going to fix this?"  Our strength has always gotten us through.

Is my family really as strong as I think?  ARE we invincible?

Now, I will most definitely admit that we have a lot of luck and good genes on our side.  Many people are just handed a load of challenges, and we were not.  But I also wonder if this amazing man, this head of our household, just convinced us that we were invincible...that we were stronger than anything that was thrown at us.  Bad stuff happened and we asked, "How are we going to fix it?"  Life was not going as planned?  "How can I make it better?"

There is no doubt, our strength comes with a price. Living with us is not always easy and compassion is minimal.

But as for myself, I very rarely stay down for long.  I tell myself, "there has to be a solution" and I look high and low for that solution.  I will feel down for a bit but then I get to work.  My dad instilled in me an unbelievable sense of strength.  This feeling that I can conquer anything.

I will admit, that of my family members, I have been through the least.  As a family, we are far from untouched.  My sister has faced challenge after challenge with a special needs child.  My younger brother has faced some serious health issues as an adult.  But we always keep moving forward.  And we ALWAYS rally!

Today. my sister sits in a hospital bed unable to feel her feet.  That's some scary stuff.  But I know the Pollios.  I know who we are and what we can do.  So while I am a bit worried about her recovery process, I have no doubt that she will fully recover.  It's what we do.  It's who Mike Pollio taught us to be.

Confessions of a Fitness Instructor

Every day, people make the assumption that I do everything right.  They assume that I eat right, that I love to exercise and that I love my body.  To a degree, they are right.  I do eat right (most of the time) and I do love to exercise (the majority of the time) but there are things that you may not know about me.  Things that, until now, I have kept secret so that I could maintain my image.  Today, however, I have decided that it would be more beneficial if I came clean...if I let out all of my secrets to let my clients know that no one is perfect.  No one is good all of the time.  There are bad days.  We all struggle.  We all fall down the hill and have to climb back up. THESE are my dirty secrets.

Dirty Secret #1 - Some times I get a chocolate chip cookie after my lunch and eat it in my car so that no one I know will see me.  I know...terrible, right?  It's not the actual cookie that is so bad.  I only eat it before my big lift days (call it superstition, but I swear, it makes me stronger).  What's bad about it, is that I don't feel alright doing it in the restaurant.  I sneak it to my car for fear of judgement.

Dirty Secret #2 - There are days when I don't want to exercise.  Some days, like everyone else, I just want to sit on the couch.  But I am lucky because I am an instructor at a great gym (the JCC) and it makes me get up to exercise whether I want to or not.  Plus, I have a great trainer who I adore.  I would never cancel or no-show, so it forces me to exercise even when I don't feel like it.  I have yet to regret my decision to exercise on any given day.  I am always so glad that I did it, even on my worst days.

Dirty Secret #3 - I LOVE Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi.  I have gotten my addiction under wraps and usually only drink it once a week, on weekends, but I do love it.  I know it is terrible for me.  I know that it can eat away at the lining of my stomach.  I know that it can give me cancer.  I know that it makes me more hungry, therefore assists in weight gain.  But despite all of that I freakin' love the stuff.

Dirty Secret #4 - I don't like all exercises.  Now, it's not what you are thinking...I do truly LOVE the burpee.  But I hate the push-up, the pull-up and RDLs.  They all suck.  It doesn't mean I don't do them.  In fact, if I hate them, it means I am probably not good at them so I am doing them more.  But...I don't have to like it.

Dirty Secret #5 - I don't trust my trainer.  Like many of you, I think my trainer is on crack when he asks me to do certain workouts.  When I am teaching Boot Camp and I ask participants to do 100 burpees, I see the look on their faces.  I hate that look.  However, I often give my trainer the same look.  I wonder what the hell he is thinking.  But you know what?  I have never failed.  He is always right and I am always so proud of myself for accomplishing the seemingly impossible.  It would suck to have a trainer who asked me to do everything that I knew I already could do.  I may not initially trust my trainer all of the time, but I always listen and do what he says and I am a better person/athlete for it.

Dirty Secret #6 - I HATE stretching and yoga.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that I want to punch yoga instructors in the face when we have to hold the downward dog position for too long.  I know many of you feel this way about Boot Camp and burpees.  I know how it feels to hate something, to suck at something, but to know that it is necessary.

So there it is.  I said it.  Now, you can stop being shocked if you see my car in a drive-thru window or if you see me being lazy.  I am not perfect.  I am far from it.  However, I am so lucky in that I have found my true passion in fitness.  I know the value of being strong. I know the value of a good diet.  I may not always live what I preach, but I am compassionate for those that struggle because I struggle every day.

It is not the struggle that define me.  It is not the cookie or the Diet Coke or the day when I skip out on stretching.  What defines me are the days and moments when I do the RIGHT thing...when I pass on the coke or spend a little extra time stretching...the moments when I squat or deadlift a weight that I thought was impossible...or, when I am compassionate and understanding with those who struggle as well.   Those are the moments that define me. 

I am the girl who eats a cookie.  I am the girl who drinks Diet Coke.  But I am also the girl who can squat 205 pounds.  I am the girl who screams "whoo hoo!" during an aerobics class, even on a bad day.  I am whatever I choose to be each day, each moment.  I am me, dirty secrets and all!

5 Things my Coach has taught me...

A few weeks ago, a very bitter person wrote a scathing article in a national magazine about my Powerlifting Coach.  After the article was published, I spent the day agonizing over how he must have felt, how hurt he must have been.  I worried that he would quit coaching or that he would go "soft" on us.  I worried that he would lose his drive or lack intensity in his training.  I worried that he would cease to push me when I needed a push.  My worries were all in vein.  That brings me to the first lesson that Coach has taught me:

#1 - Don't let anyone else tell you who you are.  Know your purpose and stick with it. 

#2 - Patience is a virtue.  It took me an entire year to add 10 pounds to my squat.  Yes, one year, only 10 pounds.  But I can view that in one of two ways: it is taking too long, therefore I quit OR in a measly 18 months, I will reach my ultimate goal of 200 lbs.  I think I'll wait it out.

#3 - When working with people, make your voice heard.  When I was going for a  personal record the other day, I said to myself, "it's not going to happen" right in the middle of the lift.  But my coach was behind me saying, "Finish it!"  He wasn't speaking loud, just whispering it enough so that I heard it over my own negative thoughts.  My thinking shifted from, " I can't do it" to "If he still thinks I can do it, I must be able to."  And yes, all of this occurred in a 10 second successful lift.

#4 - Do it, even when you don't want to do it.  This reminds me of a quote that I saw on Pinterest that says, "I regret that workout. - Said No One, Ever."  There are days when I don't want to go to the gym.  There are days when I consider texting my coach and bailing on him.  I never do.  But those days always seem to be the best days that I have in the gym.  It's like he can sniff out my bad attitude and he gives me just the right workout to lift my spirits.  I have carried this over into other parts of my life, making myself do things that I don't really want to do.  I rarely regret it.

#5 - Get over yourself.  Confidence is a good thing.  Even a little cockiness can be beneficial now and then.  But there will always be someone who can do it better than you.  Be humble.  Learn from those people and let them fuel you.  Over-confidence can lead to failure, it can lead to injuries and it can get in the way of your own success. 

I use these 5 life lessons every day, in almost every part of my life.  Thanks Coach!

I love every inch of it!

"Susan, thank you so much for all that you have done. I have lost all of this weight and gotten so toned. I finally have the body that I have always dreamed of and I love every inch of it!"

Someone said this to me the other day. Okay, that is a total lie. No one has ever said this to me and I am guessing that they never will.

What I really hear is this, "I know that I have hit my goal weight, but I still feel like I should lose 5 or 10 more pounds." Or, "I am fine with my weight, but I have these big thighs." Or, "If I could just get rid of the pooch..."

Every time I hear this, I cringe. Not because I don't relate...not because I don't feel the same way at times. I cringe because I rarely hear women pat themselves on the back for what they HAVE done. I rarely hear women find a time in their lives when they ARE satisfied with who they are.

One of my favorite bloggers, DRYWALL said it best, "We know. You’re not skinny enough. Or you’re too tall. Or short. Your butt sags. Your complexion is off. You have a belly. Your boobs aren’t big enough. Whatev. We don’t seriously care....What you don’t realize is that guys could give a f&!@ about any of it. We don’t let outside influences distort our view of hotness. We judge it the old fashioned way: we get wood. That’s it. Caveman shit."

It's a little crass, I know, but it is true. I don't think men are nearly as hard on us as we are on ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with having goals. We should all strive to better. But aiming to look like someone else or even aiming to look like our 18-year-old selves is a waste of time and energy. If I could give every woman a gift, it would be for them to shoot for and appreciate their physical accomplishments even if the pooch won't go away.

In other words, strive to do x-number of pull-ups. Strive to run 3 miles in a row. Strive to do a plank with 100 pounds on your back. And for god's sake, quit worrying about that tiny bit of fat that no one else even sees anyway!

If we only exercise to get skinny, we may never be happy. But if we exercise to hit milestones, to push ourselves and find what we are truly capable of, it is a much better experience.

This morning, I was telling a group of clients that I used to put pictures of Victoria's Secret supermodels up on my computer to motivate myself. It was my attempt to keep myself from eating too many calories. Instead, I just saw those supermodels every day and was reminded of what I would never be...a 5'11, 100 pounds woman.

Today, I try to ignore (and sometimes even appreciate) the way that I look. I focus on the numbers in the gym, the accomplishments at competition and the way that I feel on a daily basis. This is me. I am doing the best that I can with what I have. As Kurt Cobain put it, "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."

I LOVE those beer goggles!

Those of you that drink, or used to drink, may know the term “beer goggles.” For those of you not familiar with this term, urbandictionary.com describes beer goggles as “imaginary optical aids through which ugly women begin to appear attractive after you have had too much beer.”

I always wind up wearing beer goggles on my Saturday nights out. What sets me apart is that my beer goggles don’t make me think that other people are more attractive, they make me think that I look more attractive.

Before I go out at night, I often struggle with my outfit or my make-up. I work to look good but usually end up feeling sub-par. I wind up shrugging my shoulders and going out to have a good time anyway. However, after one beer and during my first trip to the bathroom, I think to myself, “I actually look pretty good tonight. You go!” I walk out of the bathroom with my shoulders back and my head held high.

On my second trip to the bathroom and at least one more beer, I stop to admire how DAMN good I look. If I wasn’t married, I could really knock the guys dead.

On my third trip to the bathroom and three beers in, I don’t even stop to look in the mirror. What’s the point? I look good, I know it. No need to primp.

So what if my hair has gone wild and my mascara is smudged. If I think I look like Heather Locklear, who cares what other people think?

This phenomenon has been affecting me for most of my adult life. It may be the reason that I like to drink a few beers on Saturday. But more recently, I am trying to develop beer goggles for the times when I don’t drink. Shouldn’t we all feel so confident about ourselves that we don’t need to look in the mirror? My practice every day is to shut off that inner voice that is critical of my skin or my weight. I work to appreciate the parts of me that still work and still look good.

On Sunday mornings, when I wake up, sadly my beer goggles are gone. The early signs of dark circles are showing under my eyes and my skin looks ashen. There are no beer goggles for 7 a.m. and I am back to living with myself, the way that I am today. But even on those days, I will attempt to love what I see, accept all of it and appreciate that I am alive, happy and healthy (despite the slight headache.)

I have multiple personalities...

You may not know this about me, but I have multiple personalities. Okay, not seriously, but I can be a very different person in different circumstances. Many years ago, I gave each of my alter-egos names.

First, there is Susan. Susan is my main personality. She is nice, kind-hearted and easy going. She enjoys exercising but also enjoys lying around and watching TV. Susan is balanced and level headed. She enjoys helping people lose weight and be the best person they can be. She relishes in the success of others.

Then, there is Suzanne. Suzanne is a complete bitch. She says things that shouldn’t be said out loud. Suzanne is the personal trainer, the one who enjoys putting people through the physical pain of boot camp. Suzanne is skinny and toned. She is disciplined and a perfectionist. Suzanne often has a hard time understanding why all of the people around her are not as disciplined and motivated as she is.

Finally, there is Sissy. Sissy is my favorite! She is a blast. She is the party girl that loves to drink, dance and have fun. Everyone loves to be around Sissy. Sissy is plump. She is the inner chubby girl that takes over and loves to eat, drink and be merry. Sissy is known to eat greasy foods at 2 a.m. (something Suzanne wouldn’t dream of doing). She has to eat chocolate in large quantities before Suzanne takes over again. Sissy is a bit of a mess, but damn, she is fun.

I wouldn’t be the same without Sissy and Suzanne. Suzanne has brought me all sorts of success in my career as a business owner, as a powerlifter and as a mother. Sissy has made my life fun and worth living. Life wouldn’t be the same without Sissy. Both Sissy and Suzanne have brought me great pleasure and great pain.

As a woman,the ultimate goal in life is to love who you are. By seeing my alter-egos for what they are and for what they offer me, both good and bad, I have been able to appreciate who I am. I am glad that Sissy is around. I would hate to be disciplined all of the time without any moments of freedom and abandon. But, I am afraid that Sissy would turn into a girl who is unhappy with herself and her body if Suzanne was not there to pick up the pieces on the weekdays. Let’s face it; Sissy and Suzanne make me who I am. Without them, Susan would be boring!

They don't measure up.

I am sitting here in the land of fitness. San Diego, California. All around me are people running, biking, hiking and lifting. As I sit on the beach, at least two dozen people have run past me with fit, lean bodies while several dozen people have biked on the road behind me. I've been to stores, bars and even bakeries and there is not an overweight person to be found. I have been to breakfast at a local eatery called, "Pipes" where they serve the largest portions of eggs, potatoes and pancakes and even though many people are eating muffins, there is not a muffin-top to be found.

People here are lean. They are fit. So, they must be happier, right? Back in Kentucky, I see overweight and out of shape people all of the time. I see people who hate their bodies and are embarrassed of what they have become; and at first glance, I must assume that does not exist in sunny California. Right? Wrong.

After years of working with women on their weight and self-esteem issues, I have come to pick up on the small cues that give off the inner feelings of a female. The way a woman will size up another woman in a bar or a gym...the way they either smile or smirk at another woman... it is telling of their level of self-esteem.

With so many hot bodies in California, the woman here must love their bodies and therefore, be super friendly to each other. They must walk around exuding confidence. Not so. While working out in the gym, I saw some pretty fit women that looked like they wanted to take me down. I am not saying they were jealous (these women looked unbelievable) but I certainly was intruding on their territory. As we walked in a bar last night, I was a few feet behind my sister and I watched women eye her up and at times, whisper comments about her. It astounded me! Why would women in California, with their hot bodies and puffed up, perfect lips, feel insecure?

The answer: Because in their own minds, they don't measure up.

Instead of being happy with who we are, we tell ourselves that we are not quite enough, physically. Our butt could be smaller or rounder. Our tummy could be flatter or more toned. Our inner thighs could be leaner. 190 pounds or 109 pounds, self acceptance and self love are hard to find. We all have good days, skinny days. We have days when the jeans fit right and we feel better about ourselves, but we also have bad days…days when our jeans barely zip or we feel bloated and ugly.

So, is the answer more cardio? More toning work? Should we eat less? OR, should we all be practicing the art of self love. Should we focus on our mind as much as our body? Maybe we should focus on celebrating each other. Maybe we should be praising each other for our good genes or our success in the gym or kitchen. Maybe we should be praising ourselves. Because Kentucky or California; New Jersey or New Mexico...it doesn't matter how hard we work, if we don't love who we are, we will never be happy.